Tonight I stood outside this little house in Aljezur
and smoked a cigarette
and stared at thousands of stars
and felt awe
and was alone
and felt at once loved by all of them
and still alone
and at once too fragile for this world
and wrapped in the world’s thousand embraces…
Right now I know only a few things:
that I should not be smoking
that to be carried on a wave is sheer happiness
that the sight of a shooting star is still a thrill
that I built a fire that warms my house myself and
that I want someone to curl up with me beside it
that I am too fragile for this world and
that this place is so painfully beautiful that sometimes
you just can’t look anymore.
It is my siren.
I have walked gratefully into my own ruin.